Blue's Last Stand?

I'm going to go back in tonight. I've made up my mind.

I'm going to return to my Church and then I'm going to go back into the idea-world, Arkenesia, Nerdvana, whatever you choose to call it. I'm going to find the creator of the world and confront him, admit to him what I've been doing and that I'm pregnant. I have to.

I got myself into this mess and I need to own up. As beautiful and enticing as the idea-world is, I've admitted to myself that it's also dangerous. I barely know anything about it. What is it, dream or hallucination or simulation? How did it come into existence? How did my getting struck be lighting allow me to see these worlds? I don't know. I have never known. And me being pregant, that's another thing I don't know anything about.

If I can get pregnant in the idea-world, I can get killed as well. Just like a drug addict goes so deeply into the drug that they destroy themselves, I will go so deep into this unreal world that I wind up cold and stiff, dead with a dead baby inside me.

This will probably be the last time I visit the idea-world. Even if the creator doesn't kick me out, I have to force myself to cut it off, to never come back.

Stay tuned.