Blue Signs Off

This will be Blue's final post on this blog. Why? Because Blue has big plans, and they do not involve telling all my secret to whoever has stuck me in a virtual world. It's occurred to me that this blog, like everything else around me, is a construct, a fake. It's part of the illusion, and the posts I make are vanishing into the ether. Or....maybe they're being read by my unseen captors. So, no more posting.

I'm going to leave here. Or, at least, leave this city within the illusion. In real life, I guess I'm stuck inside a giant computerized geode, probably hooked up to lots of plugs and electrodes and shit. But I want to break it. I want to find a way out that doesn't involve me dying. And the first step is to figure out how to change things, how to shape the world how I want it. Just like the others did. This is MY idea-world, dammit, and I will make it do what I want!

So I'm going to explore the simulation. Food and money won't be a problem; I tried asking Comet to give me all her money and she passively obeyed. The fake people around me will do whatever I want...including, one hopes, help me with the eventual birth of the thing, the virtual baby, in my belly. I'm scared of how that will go down, but kind of intrigued to. Being mom to a virtual kid? Hmmmm, what a notion. And since it's not real, maybe I won't have to deal with all the shitty aspects of pregnancy.

So....this is Ransom Blue, signing off. I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I will make sure it is on my terms, not the idea-world's. I will win this thing, claim it as my prize. My world. If, by some small chance, someone from the real world is reading this....thank you for sticking with me and believing me enough to keep reading. Beware of lighting.

And if my would-be captors are reading this, know that Blue will fucking destroy you. You chose the wrong hacker to abduct, you greasy turd-clowns. You cannot keep me. You cannot own me. I am going to own you.

Here I fucking come.

--Blue Is Here

What do I do?

I want out of here, out of this fucking fake world. I took a walk today and looked at the streets and buildings around me, trying to spot the cracks, the backdrops and stage lights, any sign at all that it was fake. There were no signs at all. And yet, the knowledge that it's a virtual world weighs me down hard.

I don't get it. How come the other virtual worlds I visited were so fantastical and mine just looks like boring, everyday Earth? I never got a chance to talk much about the first world, but it was beautiful. The entire world was a vast hole, endlessly deep and miles across, with a maze of streets and promenades running up the sides. Everything ornate and intricately designed, Gothic and dreamlike. It was the work of someone whose imagination was limitless. And Arkenesia may have been an unoriginal mish-mash of nerdy archetypes, but it was still a fantasy realm.

My own idea-world, my virtual prison is just....lame. A copypasting of what I'd be seeing anyway.

I wonder....

Can I make changes? Can I shape this place to my own whim? And if so, how?

Blue Under a Lens?

Yeah, now I know for sure. The world around me, the world I thought was real, isn't. It's another false world, an idea-world, just like the now-dead one I've been exploring. It was Comet who drove the final nail in my coffin. I decided to tell her everything: the lightning story, my discovery and exploration of two separate idea-worlds, everything. I sat her town and spilled my guts, told her everything. And you know what she did? She told me how she totally sympathized with all the stuff I was going through, and asked me if I wanted more tea.

Fuck, why didn't I realize? I've always been so bad at reading people...now I can't even tell when they're not real people any more. This isn't Comet, it's a fucking virtual dummy of her. It acts like her, all wise and comforting, like I always think of her. I've been too holed up in my own little brain to notice that this "Comet" is two-dimensional, an archetype, not a real person.

I'm in a simulation that was created using my own memories; that's the best I can figure. When did it start? When did I enter into my own idea-world?

The lightning. Had to be. I was struck by lightning, knocked out, and woke up without a damn scratch on my body. And that was when all the weirdness started. I thought the lightning somehow opened my mind to some new wavelength that allowed me to perceive the idea-worlds. But it goes beyond that. I was....taken somewhere after the lightning hit me. Moved from the real-real world to this fake-real world. Into the simulation.

Abducted.

Fuck....I always kinda wanted to believe in aliens, but not like this. Am I being watched by little green men right now? Or is this some sick government experiment using advanced technology that's never been revealed to the public. Who's on the other side of the great one-way glass somewhere in the sky, peering down at poor little Ransom Blue as she runs around in little virtual worlds like a fucking video game drone?

This is messed up. I can't trust anything; it's all fake. Even my Church, my precious hacker hardware, is part of the virtual world.

I'm trapped. With a virtual baby growing in me.

Oh God.

I've been trying to figure out how I can pregnant when the "father" is a virtual creature. Why the "baby" wouldn't just disappear when I returned to my own world, the real world.

There is an explanation, one I didn't even consider. Or maybe I didn't want to think about it. But now...

It's happened too many times now to be a hallucination. I saw it for the first time early this morning, and it's happened a few more times during the day. The flickers. The moment when the virtual world seems to skip or jitter like a bad videotape. I saw it happen in Nerdvana, and the idea-world before that. It was how I knew they were virtual.

Now it's happening here too. I haven't left Comet's apartment all day, but I'm seeing it. The flickers. In the real world.




It's not the real world.

It's another simulation.

World's End

Well, it's gone. The idea-world is gone, and it's not coming back. The man who created it is dead. I saw his body, and there was no way I could've been mistaken.

I think I understand a little more now, at least about the nature of the idea-worlds. As I've always assumed, they are simulations, elaborate and impossibly real, but still only virtual. Which still does not explain how I can be pregnant if I never had sex with anyone real. Yeah, that's still a mystery....

If I seem lucid, it's because I'm high. I would probably be screaming and freaking out otherwise.

When I plugged in and returned to the idea-world, I did not find myself in the city with its glass buildings and giant ferns. There were no ram-people strolling around. Instead, I was surrounded by jagged crystals and spires, like obsidian, stretching away from me and above me, pointing at me from every direction. I recognized the vision: I'd caught a tiny glimpse of it once before. This time, I could see it clearly. I seemed to be inside a giant orb, the inside of which was lined with these jagged shards. And within the fused glass of the crystals, I made out millions of tiny lights, lights in every color of the rainbow, blinking and flickering. Like my own computer hardware. Like my Church.

I was in someone else's Church.

I was terrified, afraid of being sliced up by the shards or being unable to pull away, to return to my own real world. I didn't move, just stood and looked around. It wasn't long before I spotted the one feature breaking up the spherical landscape. He lay about a hundred yards off, body wedged in between the glassy shards and streaked with dried blood, skin like a fish's belly. I couldn't see his face, but I recognized him anyway. It was the creator of the idea-world, dead. I could not see how he'd died; there was blood but no obvious wounds. But he was dead. I watched him for a few minutes to be sure.

Eventually, I disconnected and returned to the comfort of my Church, hidden away in the old Masonic building. I was shaken and confused.....but strangely relieved. The idea-world is gone. How can it still exist, with its creator dead?

Those giant shards were computers, I think. A type of computer than was not built by any human I know of. But if they were silicon-based crystals, and if you had the proper degree of technology...yeah. I was looking at some sort of fantasical server farm. Hardware. Most certainly the hardware that generated the virtual world of Arkenesia. Someone built it, then took this random dude and stuck him in the middle of it, let his own mind create a world which the computer-shards then built as a highly realistic virtual environment. One that changed and become more complex over time, at his whim.

Like it was all some huge experiment.

I'm refusing to think about the implications right now. I'm back at Comet's place, drinking from her endless supply of tea. Soon enough I'll dwell on this information, and what I should do next. For now, I choose the calming influence of pot and herbal tea. All I feel now is nervous relief, but I fear the withdrawal symptoms may show up soon....

--Blue's Still Here

Blue's Last Stand?

I'm going to go back in tonight. I've made up my mind.

I'm going to return to my Church and then I'm going to go back into the idea-world, Arkenesia, Nerdvana, whatever you choose to call it. I'm going to find the creator of the world and confront him, admit to him what I've been doing and that I'm pregnant. I have to.

I got myself into this mess and I need to own up. As beautiful and enticing as the idea-world is, I've admitted to myself that it's also dangerous. I barely know anything about it. What is it, dream or hallucination or simulation? How did it come into existence? How did my getting struck be lighting allow me to see these worlds? I don't know. I have never known. And me being pregant, that's another thing I don't know anything about.

If I can get pregnant in the idea-world, I can get killed as well. Just like a drug addict goes so deeply into the drug that they destroy themselves, I will go so deep into this unreal world that I wind up cold and stiff, dead with a dead baby inside me.

This will probably be the last time I visit the idea-world. Even if the creator doesn't kick me out, I have to force myself to cut it off, to never come back.

Stay tuned.

Should I go back in?

I've been back to my Church to check all my hardware. It's fine; everything is still running. I could plug in and go back into Nerdvana whenever I wanted. But I'm scared to. I'm pregnant with the baby of a virtual person; how can I look at the ram-people? Hell, I don't even know who the father is. I didn't exactly single out any of them for my sexual experiments. Was it the first one I tried? How will I find him?

I had a creepy-ass idea that I don't even want to think about too much. A possible, horrific explanation for how I could be pregnant. As far as I know, there's only one other real person in the idea-world: the man who generated it. The creator. He's real. And I'm quite sure that's he's been screwing his creations left and right. What if the program somehow absorbed his you-know-what and kept it preserved, maybe in the form of code? And then, when I did some screwing with my own, what if his seed, as it were, was implanted into me? What if it's HIS kid?

Please let that not be the case. I can't talk to him, can't let him see me. How would I ever explain myself? "Hi, I've been hanging out in your virtual world, just because I enjoy it. I've also been fucking your virtual people. Yeah, they're fun to fuck, aren't they? We've both done plenty of that, right? And that's why I'm now carrying your kid."

Awwwwwkward.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just peek, just take a quick look into the idea-world to see if everything is the same. I'm assuming it is. And I want to go back, like any addict wants to go back. I'm scared, but I want to be in that other world again so badly....